In that time, thoughts fly through. I am supposed to be following my husband to the car he has gone to get. Where is my daughter? It is dark. She is supposed to check-in with me. Newly arrived house guests are standing right beside me, weary from travel. We are supposed to be hosting them.
As peace pervades my thoughts, to our guests I respond, "Please tell my husband that I'll walk home." They nod and turn toward the car. "Supposed to" sometimes waits for puddles . . .
The unleashed puddles become hurt running into words, "You spoke about lies and truth the other day. Does God hear my prayers? Does He really listen? I want to believe He hears, but do prayers really get heard? And if they do, where was God when I asked Him to show up?"
Hurt takes her breath. Through gasps of love-pain choking truth, she spits, "I asked God to just let him live until I became an adult, until I graduated from high school."
Father, help. I have no words for this kind of pain . . . granddaughter love seeking to be grounded, . . . not drowned.
"When I knew he was getting worse, I even compromised my prayer thinking God could surely give me this request. I asked God to let Grandpa live until I turned 18. That was May 10th."
O God, do you see her eyes? You are deeper than her pain. Guard her. You created the deeps where flood gates open. I can not hold flood waters, only You can and her pain is flooding open.
"Why would God slap me in the face by taking Grandpa the night before my birthday? Grandpa was always there for me. When I would march in the band, he came to every game. This year, he came to one, stayed only for halftime to see me march. Then left. And in May he left life because God took him. Did God ever hear my prayers?"
And the battle field of pain is laid bare. On one side are lies fueling soul-sinking doubts looking for death of hope. On the other, Truth stands. And I am drawn in as this war of the soul rages between lies and truth. And I pray.
Loving Lord, You would never spitefully slap your children. But she feels red hot sting in the deeps. She wonders if you are mean. She wonders if You are absent. You aren't. But what do I say right now? I'm waiting for Your words. Give us You.
The battle belongs to the Lord . . . And, for a moment, we sit in battle silence.
Then Truth marches gently, bubbling like a brook over the hard places strengthening as Living Water gathers. "Sweet friend, I don't know why God took your grandfather when He did. I. . . don't . . . know. . . why. What I do know is that God reminds me that He is in heaven and we are on earth. And He says, 'My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are you ways My ways,' declares the Lord. 'For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9
The battle belongs to the Lord . . . And, for a moment, we sit in battle silence.
Then Truth marches gently, bubbling like a brook over the hard places strengthening as Living Water gathers. "Sweet friend, I don't know why God took your grandfather when He did. I. . . don't . . . know. . . why. What I do know is that God reminds me that He is in heaven and we are on earth. And He says, 'My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are you ways My ways,' declares the Lord. 'For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9
Flood gates begin to close. Eyelashes balance tears. . .
"And He reminds me that just as the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return there with out watering the earth . . . So shall My word be which goes forth from My mouth; it shall not return to Me empty, without accomplishing what I desire . . .without succeeding in the matter for which I sent it. Isaiah 55:10-11
"And He promises . . . you will go out with joy, and be led forth with peace . . . Isaiah 55:12a
He also lets me know in the darkness of life He hears and advises. I know because He has taught me when I am willing to listen to Him . . . I will bless the Lord who has counseled me . . . instructs me in the night. Psalm 16:7 He says, "I will instruct you and teach you in the way which you should go; I will counsel you with My eye upon you." Psalm 32:8
He also lets me know in the darkness of life He hears and advises. I know because He has taught me when I am willing to listen to Him . . . I will bless the Lord who has counseled me . . . instructs me in the night. Psalm 16:7 He says, "I will instruct you and teach you in the way which you should go; I will counsel you with My eye upon you." Psalm 32:8
In the turmoil of life He listens and sustains. It is His gift . . . Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives, do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful. John 14:27
In the rejections and destructions of life He hears and protects. I know because He has covered me before. He will cover you with His pinions, and under his wings you may seek refuge; His faithfulness is a shield . . . you will not be afraid . . . Psalm 91:4-5
You ask if He hears our prayers cried out to Him. Yes, He listens to our cries. I know because He collects them. You have kept track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle . . . Psalm 56:8b
Angie
No comments:
Post a Comment