Humble Faith

He cried the sound of brokenness.  The sound of nothing left.  Empty, again.

I heard him from our bedroom.

The stairs on the side of our home offered a view of firewood neatly stacked for someone else to use this winter.  Someone who buys our home.  There, he sat with his head in his hands.

I joined him.  And the hurt drained our souls.  Hummingbirds dive-bombed each other over our heads, oblivious to the struggle going on below.  Cleo the cat even came to watch this new sound, the heartbeat of brokenness.

As I sat with the man I love, my cries whispered to God.
Father, do You see him?  Do You see us?  Or have You turned away?   

I will never desert you, 

nor will I ever forsake you.

Hebrews 13:5

Stillness reigned.  His Word filtered into the cracked places.

I know Your answer in my head . . . You are God and You see.  You are El Roi.  But my request is this: Could You show me that You really do care about this moment, . . . right here, . . . right now?  

I asked, to no one in particular, while staring at the wood pile, "Am I not trusting if I am doubting God will answer our prayers any time soon?"  

My husband slowly turned his head for an honest look at my face and asked back, "Can you really, truly, not trust God?"

I dropped my head, "No.  I cannot not trust in my Lord." A moment passed.  Then, I looked into my husband's eyes, "So, this is faith."  He nodded, a slow grin spreading across his face.

 . . .the assurance of things hoped for, 

the conviction of things not seen.  
(Hebrews 11:1)

That was yesterday.

Today was my turn to cry.  While standing in my closet, among hangers and clothes ready to be worn, waves of gratitude washed my cheeks and dripped on shoes.  It was the humbling thought that God answered my prayer in a mighty way.  He answered in a way I never imagined!

He was telling me, 

"Of course I cared about that very moment 

when you no longer had any resources left.  (John 6:5-6)

I waited for that moment because I wanted you to know: 

My grace is sufficient for you, 

for power is perfected in weakness.  

(2 Corinthians 12:9)

Today, God graciously answered the prayers from the stairs.  He used a community of people to deliver His answer.  He let us know we had not been forgotten.  He had not lost sight of us.

Humbly walking by faith.

Love always,

Angie

In the Stillness

In the stillness, my soul hears His beat more loudly.  

     Constant.

          Loving.

His rhythm is continual, never ending.

     Calming.

          Steady.

In the quiet, He whispers truth for me to hear.

     Trust Me.

          Believe.

From false thought-beats pounding, He supplies refuge.

    Faithful.

          Mighty.

Raw wounds, tender cuts, and God says "Hush. I will fill."

  Inward.

           Healing.

He instructs. Counsels. Reminds me, "Step forward."

    Forgive.

               Bless them.

Healing begins as whispered blessings are spoken.

         His Words.

               Heart-felt.

Jesus says deny myself, pick up my cross daily.

     Seek Me.

          Follow.

So I keep His commandments, abide in His love.

    His Joy.

          In me.

And in this stillness, my soul is at rest.
In Him.
            Always.  

Grace and peace,

Angie

The Focus

Night slips into day that slips into night allowing time to slide together.  Life-hurts and unexpected arrows fuel emotions and thoughts that work overtime.  Weariness.  I wonder where a day went  . . . devoured by what ifs, and whys, and how-do-I-do-this moments that have no boundaries.

Come to Me,

All who are weary and heavy-laden,

And I will give you rest.

Matthew 11:28

And "automatic pilot" could be an easy out, which has been a prime choice of mine in years past.  What are other ways we endure life-hurts in our own strength?
     Ignore brokenness by stuffing the pieces into hiding.
     Run from disappointment by starting something new.
     Numb the pain.
     Cause a physical pain to mask the emotional pain.

But God gave another plan.  A perfect plan.  He sent His Son to walk through brokenness, pain, rejection, disappointment and unjust circumstances.  Because of this, we have an understanding Savior who shows us the way back through the darkness of life-hurts to wholeness with the Father.

"I am the way, 

and the truth, 

and the life.  

No one comes to the Father 

except through me.

John 14:6

Jesus knows the hurt.
     He shows the way out.
          Jesus stands and knocks on the door of our souls.
               He saves us from destruction.
Jesus stands before the Father as our advocate even as we stumble and bumble through life-hurts.

As a ballerina learns to spin, she finds a focus mark.  That mark keeps her world in balance.

When life sends enemy-spins, a mark to focus is needed.
To keep balance in our hearts, there will be a mark on which we focus.  

I know mine.

Take My yoke upon you,

and learn from Me,

for I am gentle and humble in heart;

and you shall find rest for your souls.

Matthew 11:29

Jesus.

And what do I learn when I stare at Jesus?

Jesus asked His  closest friends to come aside and pray with Him on Passover night before His capture and crucifixion.  And He showed that friends were only part of the journey . . . He went further, alone, before His Father.

He prayed.
     He cried out.
          He agonized.
He shared His heart with His Father, God.
     He submitted.
          Jesus surrendered to the Father's will.
And He blessed His enemies with forgiveness.

"Father, forgive them;

for they do not know what they are doing."

Jesus.  
Spoken from the cross. 
Luke 23:34

God allowed difficult-beyond-human-ability circumstances for Jesus and, because of them, we can know He understands ours.  He is gentle and humble and life-giving in His teaching:

But I say to you who hear,

love your enemies,

do good to those who hate you,

bless those who curse you, 

pray for those who mistreat you.

And just as you want people to treat you,

treat them in the same way.

But love your enemies,

and do good, 

and lend, expecting nothing in return;

and your reward will be great,

and you will be sons of the Most High;

for He Himself is kind to ungrateful and evil men.

Luke 6:27-28, 31, 35

And His servant Peter said it again another way:

To  sum up,

let all be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly,

kindhearted, and humble in spirit;

not returning evil for evil,

or insult for insult,

but giving a blessing instead;

for you were called for the very purpose

that you might inherit a blessing.

1 Peter 3:8-9

What is your focus mark?

In the middle of life-hurts, I pray it is Jesus.

Love always,

Angie

Click on this link to hear Jason explaining the song Where I Belong
Then listen to the whole song:  Where I belong by Building 429

Trials and Temptation

The past weeks since returning from Uganda have been turbulent emotionally, frustrating mentally, exhausting physically.  And desires to quit, hide, and run thicken the circumstantial chaos.

Ever been in a place like that?  Every breath labors.

We are stepping through the storm that was on the horizon weeks ago.  It is here.  Winds come in waves, hitting full force some days, making it hard to breathe.  And every heart-muscled-emotion screams for air, a deep and satisfying inhale.

This is battle.  For those who choose to follow Jesus Christ, the heat of the battle takes place inside us.  No matter the outward circumstances, the bottom line of the battle is this: will we live surrendered to the authority of God through Christ or not?

Countless friends have sent this Truth:  The Lord will fight for you while you keep silent.  Exodus 14:14

Father, it feels foolish to be silent when others defend their actions publicly, but the direction from You is to be silent.  I never knew being silent would take such energy and cost so many tears. 

God allows trials in life to test us, they bring out our moral qualities or character, but temptation persuades to evil, deludes us, so that we may be lead to ruin.  God tries; Satan tempts.  Man may be tempted through the senses, the imagination, or the reason.   

If through the senses:  it appeals to greed, appetite, lust, or any one of the passions that bestialize man and create our grosser miseries and crimes. 

If through the imagination:  it dazzles to betray, comes as pride, ambition, or any one of the graceful and gracious forms that can be made to veil vainglorious egotism.

If through the reason: then temptation will come as the doubt of the true, suspicion of the good, or in any of the many forms in which intellect protests against the limits it so wishes. (Fairbairn, A.M.  Studies in the life of Christ.  London: Hodder and Stoughton, 1896.)

Jesus was tempted in the wilderness.  

And we learn He could not be perverted from the perfect will of God, His Father.  

I can be perverted from Your perfect will.  
It usually begins with wrong thoughts and powerful emotions, Father.   

We are destroying speculations

and every lofty thing raised up 

against the knowledge of God,

and we are taking every thought captive 

to the obedience of Christ.

2 Corinthians 10:5

Jesus walked through many trials.  

And we learn of His character by reading His trials.  

Recently, the "trial" of Christ's death and resurrection has been celebrated by His followers all around the world.  As we celebrated in our home, we read the account of Jesus' last night with His disciples.  He washed all 12 of their feet, even the feet of Judas.  Moments later, Judas left to commit betrayal.

Jesus knew.  And Jesus washed his feet.  Jesus ate at the table with him, too.

In the garden of Gethsemane, while Judas was on his way to give a kiss of betrayal, Jesus was in agony.  To be in agony means to have extreme and generally prolonged pain; intense physical or mental suffering; a violent struggle.  (dictionary.com)  In the midst of this agony, He knelt and prayed to His Father,

If You are willing, 

remove this cup from me.  

Nevertheless, not my will, 

but Yours be done.

(Luke 22:42 ESV)

Jesus, even in the midst of His stormy trial, did not fall to the temptation to take matters into His own hands.  Christ's trust of God was implicit.

Father, thank You for the example of Jesus, trusting You in the midst of life-storms.  I will follow Him.

May our circumstance not dictate our response.

Instead, may our response to the circumstance God allows glorify Him.

Love always,
Angie

Stepping

Have you ever made yourself step when you can see a life-storm ahead?  Had to choose to stay present and walk into it when you would rather run to your own idea of comfort?  Walked into a circumstance that demands you stand on the faith born from storms past while feeling vulnerable and defenseless now?

Thoughts jumble and bounce between courage and doubt.  And when I doubt, I am like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind.  (James 1:6b)

Father, You tell us to be still.  Be quiet.  Stand.  Seek Your face.  Follow where You lead.  These are stages of surrender.  I want to fight back against the storm.  You made me so strong and I want to flex my muscles!  Please calm my heart-storm, my thought-winds.

The winds and storm momentarily dissipates.  Peace like a river attends my soul.  And we walk toward the waves with storms on the horizon wondering how hard will it hit.

Not my will but Yours be done.

We walk in the direction of our God because, although we make plans in our own minds, the Lord directs our steps.  (Proverbs 16:9)  Sometimes He directs us to face toward the storm and to lean in toward each other . . . and that is the purpose of the storm . . . to follow God together.

And we walk in trust.

He who gives attention to the word shall find good, 

and blessed is he who trusts in the Lord.  

Proverbs 16:20

Let not your heart be troubled;

believe in God, believe also in Me.

Jesus

John 14:1

Do you now believe? . . .

I have spoken to you,

that you may have peace.

In the world you have tribulation, 

but take courage;

I have overcome the world.

Jesus

John 16:33

And I ask . . . "Why did You give me strong?" . . . and I know.  Heavenly Father, pour Your word into my soul and let me know You hold me as I surrender to Your steps.  


Loving Lord, You have not given us a spirit of timidity, but one of love, power, and discipline. (2 Timothy 1:7)  Strength is required to love when hurt is standing in the way.  We are loving others, Lord.  Strength is required in discipline.  Strength flexes as we follow You and not lean on our own understanding, our own thoughts, our own desires.  Strength is required and it comes from You . . .


Actually, . . . honestly, . . . I want to dance in the storm.  Then, be held by You when I am tired.  And Father, I praise You even now, not knowing what is ahead.  What I know for certain is: You are God.  


Praise Your Holy name. 

I love You, O Lord, my strength.

Psalm 18:1

May we know our Lord, our Father, our Provider, our Protector more deeply in the face of life's storms.
Love always,
Angie

It's just one step toward solid ground,
It's just one step on water.
It's one more step that's heaven bound,
It's one more step of slaughter.


It's just one step of foolishness, 
It's a step upon a prayer.
It's the step that I would never take,
If my God weren't standing there.


It's the only step I cannot take,
It's the step upon the brink.
It's the step I'm called to make,
But, like Peter, I just sink!


It's just one step out on a limb,
It's just one step on grace.
So I'll take one step to be with Him,
I'll step to see His face.
Zach Tingle

Where is God?

The question cries through clenched teeth, "Where is God?"
All I say is, "What do you mean?"

"I pray and He doesn't answer.  I. am. so. angry. with. Him."
"Why?"

"He doesn't care about me
     or maybe He is busy with someone else
          or maybe He just isn't really there."

I listen and remember having those thoughts when He first taught me to be still and wait on Him.


Father, it is good to walk a long time with You.   I don't doubt Your presence anymore.  I just wish for more of You.  Time after time, You answer and provide.  And You do not jump when I wish You would. Instead, You tell me to be still in my soul and seek You and follow You and know You.  


And it is always just right.  


You are always with me (Matthew 28:20).  You never fall asleep on the job (Psalm 121:2-3) of caring for me.  I am safe with You.  That doesn't mean life is "safe," but, You are, Father.

Faith stands at attention in the chambers of our minds at the point we trust.  There are times He calls us to stand in the midst of storms, even though our five senses do not register His existence.  Since He isn't defined by our senses, deep frustration can take root. But God is deeper.

God knew we would struggle with Him and He gave us our senses to experience Him.  But He gave us a heart and soul to know Him.

All of creation knows (Romans 1:20) there is something bigger . . . more powerful . . . undefined . . . creative . . .

Father, I am so thankful that we experience You in the depths of who we are.  If You were to take our sight, and the ability to hear, to taste, to smell, and to feel with our skin, we would still be living.  In that state, it would be thoughts and emotions only.  And that is where You commune with us.  

It is where 

belief,

trust, 

faith,

hope,

love, 

joy, 

peace,

patience,

kindness,

goodness,

gentleness,

self-control,

longsuffering,

mercy,

and real life reside.

These words have depth.  Read them one at a time.  Slowly.  Try to define them.  It is easier to describe their meanings by giving an example from life.  Circumstances bring them to understanding.  But the reality of them lives in our heart and soul.  God's dwelling place.

Where is God?  In the depths of our being.  In all of creation.  And not always registered by our senses.
Love always,
Angie

There is no pit so deep

That God's love is not deeper still.

Corrie Ten Boom

Beautifully Broken

The tide comes in, depositing treasures.  Broken shells.  Millions and millions of broken pieces in one little area.  They create the beach: a place to play, to walk, and to stand still listening to unfamiliar sounds.

We stand in brokenness.  

If the shells stayed whole, they would hurt our feet.  But they shatter and break to form grains of sand for us to walk on.  

       Broken for a purpose.  

              Broken and poured out by the tides.  

Father, 

This beach of brokenness is beautiful.  Waves of storms created it.  

Life's storm rages . . . and I am broken . . . now.  You promise to collect my tears, but are You holding my broken pieces, too? When the hurt You allow is overpowering, I admit, I want to know You are near while the crushing is happening.  And I just need to breathe . . .  

The LORD is near to the brokenhearted 

And saves those who are crushed in spirit.  

Psalm 34:18

I will not forget you. 

Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of My hands.  

Isaiah 49:15b-16a

Father, there is peace in knowing You are right here.  

How do I live beautifully while broken by the waves around me?  

Have a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in My sight.  

1 Peter 3:3-5

Do You know what it is like to be broken?

But He (Jesus) was pierced for our transgressions;

He was crushed for our iniquities;

upon Him was the chastisement that brought us peace,

and with His wounds we are healed.

Isaiah 53:5 ESV

For the joy set before Him, 

(Jesus) endured the cross, despising the shame, 

and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 

For consider Him who has endured . . .

so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Hebrews 12:1-3

There is beauty in brokenness.  
Love always,
Angie

And now, O Lord, for what do I wait?

My hope is in You.

Psalm 39:7 ESV

But for You, O Lord, do I wait;

It is You, O Lord my God, who will answer.

Psalm 38:15 ESV

For You have been my hope, O Sovereign Lord,

my confidence since my youth.

Psalm 71:5 NIV

Strength from Silence

He doubted God. Standing in the presence of holiness, he doubted. 

And God left him mute.

Father, it had been four hundred years since You had spoken on earth and You silenced the one man to whom You spoke because he questioned the angel’s message from You.  I think I might have done the same thing as Zachariah. . .

Zachariah spent the next nine or ten months in silence.  He could not speak and he probably could not hear because he was old and people had to make signs to him to communicate. Luke 1:62 

He lived ten months of watching.

Father, what would I learn if my words were silenced and I could only observe the world around me?  And what if You were the only One with whom I could reason through my observations? 

(Big smile) I know that answer.  You would change me.

Zachariah’s silence ended when he named his son, John. Luke 1:20  That name astonished the folks who had come for the naming because “John” was not a family name.  Everyone assumed Zachariah would give his name to his only son, but he did not.

And he did not defend his decision before his friends or neighbors.

At that very moment of naming, Zachariah's first words that rolled off his tongue were praises to God. There is a lesson in this: Silence bred strength.  Zachariah was changed.  He praised God then spoke blessings and prophecy.  

     Doubt no longer had a place.  

          Defense of his son's name had no place, 

               and this was their friend's and neighbor's response:

And fear (awe) came on all those living around them;

and all these matters

were being talked about in all the hill country of Judea.

Luke 1:65

Zachariah and Elizabeth did not respond to the gossip.   Instead, they turned to their God and obeyed Him.  

Loving Lord, help me remember this as You call me to do certain things.  Help me keep my eyes on You.  Man’s opinion stumbles me.  And my strength drains.  It sometimes hurts to be set apart, but I want the strength that comes from silence with You.  Can I obey You and struggle at the same time and not sin against You?  I ask this because if I ignore the struggle, my heart starts to feel cold, shut down, stone-like heavy, dead.

And our precious Lord responded with an answer to that prayer 

and with encouragement:

Let us run with endurance

the race that is set before us,

fixing our eyes on Jesus,

the author and perfecter of faith,

who for the joy set before Him,

endured the cross,

despising the shame,

and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself,

so that you may not grow weary

and lose heart.

Hebrews 12:1b-3 (emphasis added)

Jesus had feelings and He still obeyed the Father's purposes for His life.  

Father, I want to be like Jesus.  Living fully alive is not for the faint hearted.  It takes courage to obey sometimes.  It takes strength to not cower in the face of peer pressure or of people's expectations.  It takes strength to not doubt Your calling, but to persevere with trust even when it does not make sense to my brain.  Thank You for being my strength.  

May silence before our God manifest itself in strength, hearing Him and obeying Him, especially when life's messes or sufferings cause us to struggle.  And may we walk in the purposes He has for our lives.

Love always,

Angie

   

I do not know who wrote this, 

but I have kept it for many years on a slip of paper in my Bible:                     

I walked a mile with Pleasure

She chattered all the way

But left me none the wiser

For all she had to say.

I walked a mile with Sorrow

And not a word said she

But oh the wisdom that I gained

When Sorrow walked with me.