Stepping

Have you ever made yourself step when you can see a life-storm ahead?  Had to choose to stay present and walk into it when you would rather run to your own idea of comfort?  Walked into a circumstance that demands you stand on the faith born from storms past while feeling vulnerable and defenseless now?

Thoughts jumble and bounce between courage and doubt.  And when I doubt, I am like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind.  (James 1:6b)

Father, You tell us to be still.  Be quiet.  Stand.  Seek Your face.  Follow where You lead.  These are stages of surrender.  I want to fight back against the storm.  You made me so strong and I want to flex my muscles!  Please calm my heart-storm, my thought-winds.

The winds and storm momentarily dissipates.  Peace like a river attends my soul.  And we walk toward the waves with storms on the horizon wondering how hard will it hit.

Not my will but Yours be done.

We walk in the direction of our God because, although we make plans in our own minds, the Lord directs our steps.  (Proverbs 16:9)  Sometimes He directs us to face toward the storm and to lean in toward each other . . . and that is the purpose of the storm . . . to follow God together.

And we walk in trust.

He who gives attention to the word shall find good, 

and blessed is he who trusts in the Lord.  

Proverbs 16:20

Let not your heart be troubled;

believe in God, believe also in Me.

Jesus

John 14:1

Do you now believe? . . .

I have spoken to you,

that you may have peace.

In the world you have tribulation, 

but take courage;

I have overcome the world.

Jesus

John 16:33

And I ask . . . "Why did You give me strong?" . . . and I know.  Heavenly Father, pour Your word into my soul and let me know You hold me as I surrender to Your steps.  


Loving Lord, You have not given us a spirit of timidity, but one of love, power, and discipline. (2 Timothy 1:7)  Strength is required to love when hurt is standing in the way.  We are loving others, Lord.  Strength is required in discipline.  Strength flexes as we follow You and not lean on our own understanding, our own thoughts, our own desires.  Strength is required and it comes from You . . .


Actually, . . . honestly, . . . I want to dance in the storm.  Then, be held by You when I am tired.  And Father, I praise You even now, not knowing what is ahead.  What I know for certain is: You are God.  


Praise Your Holy name. 

I love You, O Lord, my strength.

Psalm 18:1

May we know our Lord, our Father, our Provider, our Protector more deeply in the face of life's storms.
Love always,
Angie

It's just one step toward solid ground,
It's just one step on water.
It's one more step that's heaven bound,
It's one more step of slaughter.


It's just one step of foolishness, 
It's a step upon a prayer.
It's the step that I would never take,
If my God weren't standing there.


It's the only step I cannot take,
It's the step upon the brink.
It's the step I'm called to make,
But, like Peter, I just sink!


It's just one step out on a limb,
It's just one step on grace.
So I'll take one step to be with Him,
I'll step to see His face.
Zach Tingle

Where is God?

The question cries through clenched teeth, "Where is God?"
All I say is, "What do you mean?"

"I pray and He doesn't answer.  I. am. so. angry. with. Him."
"Why?"

"He doesn't care about me
     or maybe He is busy with someone else
          or maybe He just isn't really there."

I listen and remember having those thoughts when He first taught me to be still and wait on Him.


Father, it is good to walk a long time with You.   I don't doubt Your presence anymore.  I just wish for more of You.  Time after time, You answer and provide.  And You do not jump when I wish You would. Instead, You tell me to be still in my soul and seek You and follow You and know You.  


And it is always just right.  


You are always with me (Matthew 28:20).  You never fall asleep on the job (Psalm 121:2-3) of caring for me.  I am safe with You.  That doesn't mean life is "safe," but, You are, Father.

Faith stands at attention in the chambers of our minds at the point we trust.  There are times He calls us to stand in the midst of storms, even though our five senses do not register His existence.  Since He isn't defined by our senses, deep frustration can take root. But God is deeper.

God knew we would struggle with Him and He gave us our senses to experience Him.  But He gave us a heart and soul to know Him.

All of creation knows (Romans 1:20) there is something bigger . . . more powerful . . . undefined . . . creative . . .

Father, I am so thankful that we experience You in the depths of who we are.  If You were to take our sight, and the ability to hear, to taste, to smell, and to feel with our skin, we would still be living.  In that state, it would be thoughts and emotions only.  And that is where You commune with us.  

It is where 

belief,

trust, 

faith,

hope,

love, 

joy, 

peace,

patience,

kindness,

goodness,

gentleness,

self-control,

longsuffering,

mercy,

and real life reside.

These words have depth.  Read them one at a time.  Slowly.  Try to define them.  It is easier to describe their meanings by giving an example from life.  Circumstances bring them to understanding.  But the reality of them lives in our heart and soul.  God's dwelling place.

Where is God?  In the depths of our being.  In all of creation.  And not always registered by our senses.
Love always,
Angie

There is no pit so deep

That God's love is not deeper still.

Corrie Ten Boom

Beautifully Broken

The tide comes in, depositing treasures.  Broken shells.  Millions and millions of broken pieces in one little area.  They create the beach: a place to play, to walk, and to stand still listening to unfamiliar sounds.

We stand in brokenness.  

If the shells stayed whole, they would hurt our feet.  But they shatter and break to form grains of sand for us to walk on.  

       Broken for a purpose.  

              Broken and poured out by the tides.  

Father, 

This beach of brokenness is beautiful.  Waves of storms created it.  

Life's storm rages . . . and I am broken . . . now.  You promise to collect my tears, but are You holding my broken pieces, too? When the hurt You allow is overpowering, I admit, I want to know You are near while the crushing is happening.  And I just need to breathe . . .  

The LORD is near to the brokenhearted 

And saves those who are crushed in spirit.  

Psalm 34:18

I will not forget you. 

Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of My hands.  

Isaiah 49:15b-16a

Father, there is peace in knowing You are right here.  

How do I live beautifully while broken by the waves around me?  

Have a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in My sight.  

1 Peter 3:3-5

Do You know what it is like to be broken?

But He (Jesus) was pierced for our transgressions;

He was crushed for our iniquities;

upon Him was the chastisement that brought us peace,

and with His wounds we are healed.

Isaiah 53:5 ESV

For the joy set before Him, 

(Jesus) endured the cross, despising the shame, 

and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 

For consider Him who has endured . . .

so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Hebrews 12:1-3

There is beauty in brokenness.  
Love always,
Angie

And now, O Lord, for what do I wait?

My hope is in You.

Psalm 39:7 ESV

But for You, O Lord, do I wait;

It is You, O Lord my God, who will answer.

Psalm 38:15 ESV

For You have been my hope, O Sovereign Lord,

my confidence since my youth.

Psalm 71:5 NIV

Strength from Silence

He doubted God. Standing in the presence of holiness, he doubted. 

And God left him mute.

Father, it had been four hundred years since You had spoken on earth and You silenced the one man to whom You spoke because he questioned the angel’s message from You.  I think I might have done the same thing as Zachariah. . .

Zachariah spent the next nine or ten months in silence.  He could not speak and he probably could not hear because he was old and people had to make signs to him to communicate. Luke 1:62 

He lived ten months of watching.

Father, what would I learn if my words were silenced and I could only observe the world around me?  And what if You were the only One with whom I could reason through my observations? 

(Big smile) I know that answer.  You would change me.

Zachariah’s silence ended when he named his son, John. Luke 1:20  That name astonished the folks who had come for the naming because “John” was not a family name.  Everyone assumed Zachariah would give his name to his only son, but he did not.

And he did not defend his decision before his friends or neighbors.

At that very moment of naming, Zachariah's first words that rolled off his tongue were praises to God. There is a lesson in this: Silence bred strength.  Zachariah was changed.  He praised God then spoke blessings and prophecy.  

     Doubt no longer had a place.  

          Defense of his son's name had no place, 

               and this was their friend's and neighbor's response:

And fear (awe) came on all those living around them;

and all these matters

were being talked about in all the hill country of Judea.

Luke 1:65

Zachariah and Elizabeth did not respond to the gossip.   Instead, they turned to their God and obeyed Him.  

Loving Lord, help me remember this as You call me to do certain things.  Help me keep my eyes on You.  Man’s opinion stumbles me.  And my strength drains.  It sometimes hurts to be set apart, but I want the strength that comes from silence with You.  Can I obey You and struggle at the same time and not sin against You?  I ask this because if I ignore the struggle, my heart starts to feel cold, shut down, stone-like heavy, dead.

And our precious Lord responded with an answer to that prayer 

and with encouragement:

Let us run with endurance

the race that is set before us,

fixing our eyes on Jesus,

the author and perfecter of faith,

who for the joy set before Him,

endured the cross,

despising the shame,

and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself,

so that you may not grow weary

and lose heart.

Hebrews 12:1b-3 (emphasis added)

Jesus had feelings and He still obeyed the Father's purposes for His life.  

Father, I want to be like Jesus.  Living fully alive is not for the faint hearted.  It takes courage to obey sometimes.  It takes strength to not cower in the face of peer pressure or of people's expectations.  It takes strength to not doubt Your calling, but to persevere with trust even when it does not make sense to my brain.  Thank You for being my strength.  

May silence before our God manifest itself in strength, hearing Him and obeying Him, especially when life's messes or sufferings cause us to struggle.  And may we walk in the purposes He has for our lives.

Love always,

Angie

   

I do not know who wrote this, 

but I have kept it for many years on a slip of paper in my Bible:                     

I walked a mile with Pleasure

She chattered all the way

But left me none the wiser

For all she had to say.

I walked a mile with Sorrow

And not a word said she

But oh the wisdom that I gained

When Sorrow walked with me.

Reverberations

We are 4000 strong, a microcosm of the world.  

One room holds all of us standing and praising and learning and sharing.  Reverberations of voices pulse across my skin, vibrating through me, becoming the beat of my heart.

Corporate worship. 

It dances through my legs as they sway to the rhythm 

     and it waves through my hands as they lift in surrender 

          and as tears-deeper-than-words sing eucharist on my cheeks. 

Friends known over two decades have come together from around the world. Friends who I have rushed to hospitals, changed their babies diapers, heard their stories,  worked beside, been taught by, held accountable, welcomed in our home, and MISSED have gathered. And we stand in one room praising God for who He is. 

Powerful.

This trip, the camera is at home on purpose so my eyes register the beauty and my ears the sounds of life.  The beauty of His people fills my senses as we talk and wave and hug and move through the halls.  Richness of knowing they shine Hope where they live fills my heart.  And we all face the same direction, Jesus.  

The Word shared.

Let us hold fast the confession of our hope 

without wavering, 

for He who promised is faithful; 

and let us consider how to stimulate one another 

to love and good deeds, 

not forsaking our own assembling together, 

as is the habit of some, 

but encouraging one another . . . 

Hebrews 10:23-25

Our leader encourages us.  Then he brings others to teach us.  And I try to let it all sink into my soul.  Sounds my skin feels and words my heart stores.

The stimulation to love and good deeds.


Then, we are sent back to our homes.  Back to the daily calling to deny ourselves, grasp the purpose God has given us, and to follow Jesus.  A sweet reminder.  It is good to be together!

God is good.  He is good all the time.  This reverberates in my thoughts.

Love always,

Angie

The physics of reverberation:
the persistence of a sound after its source has stopped, 

caused by multiple reflection of the sound within a closed space.

The Journey

The only things defining my journey home in the darkness were reflectors on one side and wash boards cut into the center line of pavement on the other side.  I looked for one and heard the other, then I knew where I needed to be.

Headlights shone only yards ahead.  The darkened heavens cloaked the earth.  Traveling alone gave space for inner thoughts to safely rise and hope-dance and settle in praise toward our God of Creation.  Stars like sky-confetti twinkled from over head down to the winter horizon.  And I drove home while thinking of standing under those same stars half a world away.

In a few weeks I will stand half a world away under these same stars!

And I'll want to tell everybody:
We have the same God who wants to be with us and give us
     direction that offers life
          and hope that anchors our souls
               and stars that make us smile when we are out on a dark night alone!

And the same big God who wraps Himself around and through the cosmos, began His journey on this earth wrapped in a tiny bundle.

He knew exactly how to start that journey: wrapped in swaddling clothes, burial wraps.  And for THE JOY set before Him, He endured many rough roads along His journey on earth.

Father of the Universe, praise is singing from my heart!  The joy set before Jesus was eternity with us, Your children all over the world!  You sent Your Son to show us the way!  

When life brings rough roads and a darkened path, we need help for the journey.  Let it come from the One who knows the way, shedding His light and His voice for the trip.  I look for Him and listen for Him, then I know I am where I need to be.
Love always,
Angie

Seek My face, and you will find 

more than you ever dreamed possible . . . 

I am the goal of all your searching.  

When you seek Me, you find Me and are satisfied.  

When lesser goals capture your attention,  I fade into the background of your life.  

I am still there, watching and waiting; 

but you function as if you were alone.  

Actually, My Light shines 

on every situation you will ever face. 

Live radiantly by expanding your focus to include Me 

in all your moments. 

Let nothing dampen your search for Me.  

Sarah Young, Jesus Calling, January 19th.

Worship

The speck moved, gliding silently into view only to dissolve near the horizon. A falling star!  With childlike excitement I enjoyed the heaven’s display. 

That was last night. 

This morning something awakened me early with a desire to go back outside to stand under that same canopy of stars.  It was a time to be alone with God, a time to worship.

Large silence surrounded predawn darkness.  Have you ever listened to silence?  It grows and expands past the edges of our horizon.  Humility and power live in silence where shining beauty goes on and on. Humility grows because space reminds us of our true size.  Small.  And power is displayed because God himself holds the cosmos in spatial order. He holds it and exists beyond it.

Awe and worship rises from my soul toward Him. 

Worship attributes worth to something. This moment was simple, pure worship attributing worth to the One who placed the stars over our heads.

Cold air pinched my nose and a gentle, quiet darkness enveloped me while my eyes were drawn to the faithful light beginning to burn at the horizon.  Breathtakingly beautiful.  Even thoughts whispered in respect for Him.

Lift up your eyes on high

And see who has created these stars,

The One who leads forth their host by number,

He calls them all by name;

Because of the greatness of His might

and the strength of His power

Not one of them is missing.

Isaiah 40:26

Reminded that the stars speak of our Lord’s majestic power, I stood in wonder.  He knows each of them by name, even the ones that look like a shadow-of-a-star. And not one is missing because of His might and His power.

 

Father, who am I that You would take notice of me? 

             A woman standing alone,

                         On a deck or patio or dirt,

                                    somewhere on a continent,

                                                under Your canopy of pre-morning stars? 

                                                            And a question dares to rise, “Can You find me?”

And God answers:

Can I find you?  Where could you go from My Spirit?  There is nowhere. Psalm 139:7

I have numbered the very hairs of your head!  Luke 12:7

I am your Shepherd and have called you My own.  John 10

I was there when you were created, on purpose, exactly like you are.  Psalm 139.

And I sent My Son to show you the way back to Me when your sins separated us. 

            John 14:6

Breath exhales slowly in a frosted mist as thoughts of Him fill my soul.  He is great.  He is mighty.  And He is faithful to remind us of His tender mercies, like showing us stars held in place by His great power and directing the sun to rise over the horizon each morning spreading fingers of warmth across our skin.

And my heart smiles with thoughts of Him.  Worship.

Love always,

Angie

Heart of Worship

When the music fades,

All is stripped away,

And I simply come.

Longing just to bring

Something that’s of worth,

That will bless Your heart.

I’ll bring You more than a song, for a song in itself

Is not what You have required

You search much deeper within through the way things appear

You’re looking into my heart

I’m coming back to the heart of worship

And it’s all about You,

It’s all about You, Jesus.

I’m sorry, Lord, for the thing I’ve made it

And it’s all about You,

It’s all about You, Jesus.

King of endless worth,

No one could express,

How much You deserve.

Though I’m weak and poor,

All I have is Yours,

Every single breath.

I’ll bring You more than a song, for a song in itself

Is not what You have required

You search much deeper within through the way things appear

You’re looking into my heart

I’m coming back to the heart of worship

And it’s all about You,

It’s all about You, Jesus.

I’m sorry, Lord, for the thing I’ve made it

And it’s all about You,

It’s all about You, Jesus.